“WHAT IF” YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND

I rarely wade into controversial subjects on social media, quite often it seems like a fruitless endeavor that leaves me having to decide whether to “die on this mountain”, or more often than not, attempt to exit gracefully.  This morning, however, I was sent a link to a YouTube video that requires me to put voice to my thoughts and “pen to paper”, so to speak.

In my opinion, the video was well done and poignant. It shows several people from all walks of life being asked their view on abortion after which they are shown a video depicting abortion procedures. They are then asked to review their original responses.

Let me share with you what I saw in this video.  You see, I recognize it because I saw the same look on my husbands face over 20 years ago. These people, who considered themselves, up until that moment, to be pro-choice,  {i.e. for a woman’s right to choose to abort her unborn child}   at least in theory, came face to face, possibly for the first time, with humanity.  Look at the terms they chose after watching the videos: “It’s inhumane”, “It’s murder”, “Wow, it’s brutal”, “I’ve changed my mind”.

I am married to a very bright man. When I became pregnant he was with me every step of the way.  He attended every Dr’s appointment, was there for each ultrasound and listened to the heartbeat on many occasions.  I have on video the moment that he actually realized that we had created a human being. The day I gave birth, as he stood at the end of the bed waiting to cut the cord, the Dr. turned our son over and my husband saw his face. With my mom recording you can see the full spectrum of his emotions as what was just a thought became a reality. My six foot tall 250 pound husband gasped, and as his eyes and mouth grew with the impact of what he had just witnessed, this big guy, this larger than life man, hit his knees crying like a big baby. It would be hours before I would get to bond with our son and those two have had a love affair ever since. Up until that moment, everything for him had been theory. When the viewers of the video turned from theory and were exposed to the reality, they could not stomach the “inhumanity”. Meaning, evil was being enacted on a human being.

The argument for abortion rests completely on one issue, is a baby from conception a person?  The viewers of the Live Action video were asked to witness what they had been supporting in theory. Theory is often so simple. Don a sign screaming for a woman’s right to choose and yell louder than the next guy. Reality, however can be much harder to stomach.

So,  the reality is my mother is getting older, she has Alzheimer’s and no real quality of life, and I am not equipped mentally or financially to provide for her, therefore, I will be severing her head from her body tonight with a pair of scissors, or maybe I’ll try burning her to death with acid first, which do you think is more humane? I’m guessing that  you like most people would want me jailed or committed for such an evil plan, because, after all, she is a person. However, this is an accurate description of two forms of terminating a pregnancy which sounds better than killing a baby.

The responses to this video became what they always become.  What about the girl who was raped? What about incest? Unplanned pregnancy? It sounds so noble, does it not?  Why should a girl exposed to these kinds of acts be punished further? Yes, noble indeed…

You see, if you want to discuss the fact that babies can be conceived in selfish and even evil ways, we are in agreement.  If you believe that it is unfair and unjust for a man to get a girl pregnant and leave her, I’m with you. If you wish to stand against the atrocities that can be enacted on women resulting in unplanned and often unwanted pregnancies, well darling, I will storm the gates of hell with you! I have three amazing daughters and I would use any tool available to me to protect them, to prepare them, to provide for them. What I will not now, nor will I ever let them believe is that when an unjust act has been perpetrated against them it somehow gives them the right to turn around and treat others unjustly.

Perhaps you have become pregnant due to rape.  Maybe the child you carry was formed in what you believed was love, and the man you put your faith in has deserted you. It might be that you carry a child of incest or just unplanned sex.  It might be that you grew up in an environment that never placed any value on you as a human being, so you wonder what the big deal is if you get an abortion. What you know is that you feel dark. You feel ashamed, disgusted, unable and unready. Even if this was just an unplanned pregnancy, why should it ruin your life? You feel an aversion to this baby, the pregnancy and the circumstances so why not just terminate the pregnancy and be done with the pain?

I can offer only one answer that is true for all people regardless of religious, political or economical beliefs. This mountain, I will die on. When a human being, in an act of evil and selfishness, gives himself/herself permission to force what he/she  wants on another human being, whether that be in the form of rape, incest, abandonment, or just because they place no value on you as a person, it is unfair, it is unjust, it is wrong, and it is inhumane.  For a pregnant woman to turn around and in an act of selfishness and placing her needs above that of another human being, choose to kill an innocent baby you become the very thing that you hate. You become no better than the rapist who forced his will on you, the uncle that violated you for his selfish desires, the lover who walked refusing to love you, and the family that devalued your life. You are repeating their very acts of selfishness.  You will find no victory in that path. You will spend the rest of your life trying to convince yourself that what you did was justifiable just as all criminals do. Or, you will one day come to terms with what you did to your child and have to carry that burden as well throughout your life. But I believe you have another choice…

You have a secret power that no monster can ever take from you.  This is the only possession that you must choose to give up willingly.  You can choose to defeat your enemy by refusing to let him/her continue to have control in your life. You can scream “I will not become like you!”  You can choose to be unselfish, to put your child’s needs above your own; you can choose to love and not walk out on that baby; you can choose to place  a higher value on your unborn child’s life than you place on your own. You can choose to carry that baby to term and then decide if adoption is right for you. The only thing any of us own that cannot be taken from us is our capacity to love.  Love is the only thing that will overcome evil. Love is the only thing that will counteract selfishness.

Yes, this is in-your-face harsh. I truly wish that no girl ever found herself in any of these circumstances. But we live in reality.
There are enough people out there who are telling you that it’s OK, they understand and its your body so you have the right to choose. They are not giving you the statistics of women who never recover from having an abortion emotionally. I talk with women all the time that wish someone had stopped them. They think back on the day that they killed their baby (their words, not mine) and they play the “what if” game. What if they hadn’t gone, what if one of those crazy religious nuts had just been there to stop them? What would their son/daughter be like today. If I can keep one lady from having to play that game then it will be worth all of the backlash I am going to receive from posting this article.

You had rights, and in some form or another they have been violated.  You will not recover, or find wholeness by violating another’s right to live, to laugh, to love, to learn. That path only offers more darkness. I implore you, before you decide: watch the videos, talk to those who have had to find a way to live with having an abortion. Take the time to get a differing view.  Really consider the consequences that your choice will bear. Reach out to someone who will answer your questions and withhold judgement. We exist. Do not let yourself believe that an unborn child is only a human in theory.

I only ask that you look inward. If you find there any doubt, reach out to someone. Consider. In my own life, choosing to love others, and choosing to live my life in a way that allows me to look myself in the mirror and respect what I see there are the only tools that have helped me to defeat my demons. If I can be of any help or answer any questions ever, regardless of what choice you make, you can contact me at heather@made-to-thrive.com.

For everyone I wish you to LIVE< LEARN<LAUGH<LOVE

Namaste

Heather

 

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